Shadow of the Republic

I'm Rick James, Bitch
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

19-APR-618 – We made it back to Aquileia.

20-APR-618 – Constant touring in and around the city, and the Douche and I add a really hot elf (Thessalia) and a really gay ogre (Big Gay Ogre) to our musical troupe. Hijinks ensue.

3-MAY-618 – OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! WE MET PROCULUS GULANI!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

4-MAY-618 – Soooo many groupies and non-stop donkey shows. Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

7-JUN-618 – Mr. Gulani has sent them to investigate the town of Susae.

8-JUN-618 – Dwarf Bandits lose all their stuff, and hobgoblins fall victim to the worst plan in the history of plans.

Session Loot – 2 pp, 18 sp (3 gp, 6 sp, 3 cp each)

Community Property – 5 short swords, warhammer, 5 light crossbows

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Bean, Beans, and Magical Fruit
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

14-APR-618 – Against all the teaching of warfare strategy the group barreled into Yorno’s tree grove like a pack of horny warthogs looking for a mate. How they managed to survive was beyond me. Not only did they have no plan, but the Possum ran off into the fray alone like a maniac. The Broad and Beast held their own, and the Douche surprisingly kept everyone among the living so the Stiff and Hick could continue to attack from afar. It wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen them perform.

They then took the fruits from the dark tree to the sea hags for some reason, then headed back to the village of Hircum where they dropped off the satyr.

15-APR-618 – The group began their journey back to Aquileia.

Session Loot – 3900 cp, 1500 sp, 190 gp (656 cp, 256 sp, 31 gp each)

Bob – gem (10 gp), Charm of Darkvision (action to use, 3 uses)

Brienne – gem (10 gp), Charm of Darkvision (action to use, 3 uses)

Dongus – 5 gems (10 gp each)

Keo – gem (10 gp), Charm of Darkvision (action to use, 3 uses)

Quintus – 1 Bag of Beans (6), Scroll of Poison Spray

Tanet – 4 +2 arrows

Community Property – Decanter of Endless Water, 4 potions of healing, 1 unidentified red potion, 1 potion (brown/silver/gray, resembling stone)

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Frit Le Lutin With a Side of Batshit
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

12-APR-618 (cont.) – Two green wyrmlings very nearly brought this gathering of gullible goofballs to a guaranteed group grave.

13-APR-618 – The Douche was so desperate for companionship he tried befriending a coven of sea hags, luckily the Stiff and the Broad weren’t so easily fooled. We got to meet Furnace and his collection of pet oozes.

I’m starting to get the sneaking suspicion that the Douche and the Stiff are in direct competition to see who’s the bigger asshole. The Hag Fag was well in front looking to finish the race when Minerva’s Hand Puppet decided to disturb an ancient burial mound containing a banshee…nearly killing the party in the process.

Session Loot – 3100 cp, 2400 sp, 150 gp (516 cp, 400 sp, 25 gp each)

Bob – Shortsword of Vengeance (a), 2 jasper (50 gp each)

Brienne – chalcedony (50 gp), star rose quartz (50 gp)

Dongus – greatclub, citrine (50 gp)

Keo – sardonyx (50 gp), star rose quartz (50 gp), scroll of Undead Protection

Quintus – 2 bloodstone (50 gp each), scroll of Bigby’s Hand scroll of Hold Monster

Tanet – 2 onyx (50 gp each)

Community Property – Sending Stones, 1 cloudy green potion, 1 potion of greater healing, 1 fingernail potion, 1 fog potion, 1 large potion w/bubbles of light, 1 blue boiling potion

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Someone Answer the Damn Homophone
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

11-APR-618 (cont.) – They attacked a box at the rear of the cave and seem pretty proud of themselves that they won. A box. A fucking box. I just stepped on a beetle and you don’t see me demanding to be carried on their shoulders like a returning Ceasar. Also, they picked up a stray today. He dropped to the ground when confronted by a house spider. He apparently doesn’t know the different between “feinting” and “fainting” during combat. The Possum will fit right in.

12-APR-618 – I watched an ogre get straight-up murdered today. He was just lounging on a hammock not bothering anyone when the Hick attacked. Didn’t even have a weapon on him as he gasped his final word. Reminder to self: look up what “Fiona” means in the giant tongue.

Session Loot – 120 gp, 1350 sp sp, 2200 cp (20 gp, 225 sp, 366 cp each)

Bob –

Brienne – Adamantine Chainmail

Dongus –

Keo –

Quintus – Eyes of Charming (a)

Tanet – Quiver of Ehlona

Community Property – 4 potion of healing, 1 potion of greater healing, small mirror (50 gp), black velvet mask (50 gp), copper chalice (50 gp), clock of gold vestment (50 gp)

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Charlotte Webbed All Over Their Faces
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

9-APR-618 (cont.) – In the village they chatted up a a few of the villagers (Octavius Longhune and a wise woman with no wisdom to give us).

10-APR-618Day 10 – We left yet another comfortable are for dark and scary woods (seriously, what is wrong with these people?) and were accosted by a saytr name Yorno and his pet dire wolves. He bailed before his puppies were dispatched so he’s going to have to get got at some point in the future. A few miles later we reached a dryad grove and met Sinon (human) and Kynthia (dryad). Again, not a ton of useful information. Gods forbid that these numbskulls learn how to ask a decent question.

11-APR-618 – Blights, spiders, and caves. Oh my.

Session Loot –

Bob –

Brienne –

Dongus –

Keo –

Quintus –

Tanet –

Community Property – polished stone statue of Apollo (50 gp), iron amulet (50 gp), silk choker (50 gp), small silver mirror (50 gp), 4 red potions, 1 brown/silver/gray potion

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Schrodinger's Goat
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

3-APR-618 (cont.) – That night an ogre attacked the campsite but was put down. Fuck that guy.

4-APR-618 – On this day a goat was freed/seized/eaten/fornicated with. Who gives a shite. We reached the comfort of Aquileia before these fools decided to leave for the harshness of the open road.

5-APR-618 – For some silly reason they decided to run after some worgs. They actually came back with nary a scratch, so maybe they’re not completely incompetent.

6-APR-618 – My hooves hurt.

7-APR-618 – Damn, my hooves are killing me.

8-APR-618 – ARRRRRRRRRGH!!!!! That’s with 9 “R’s” in cast you’re wondering. Also, some goblins attacked the camp and managed to give the Beast another lump on his misshapen head. That idiot needs to get himself a shield and stop trying to block swings with his face.

9-APR-618 – I would let every one of those remaining goblins run a train on me if it got me an appointment with a good farrier, but we finally reached the village of Hircum.

Session Loot – 206 gp (41 gp, 2 sp each)

Bob –

Brienne – quartz (50 gp)

Dongus – chryoprase (50 gp)

Keo – citrine (50 gp)

Quintus – chalcedony (50 gp)

Tanet – 1 magic arrow, 128 arrows, sardonyx (50 gp)

Community Property – 1 potion (toenail in transparent liquid), 13 scimitars, 13 short bows

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A Donkey Among Jackasses
The Memoirs of Tarasios Leventis

I choose to begin this portion of my tale since this is when my owner finally met up with somewhat bearable companions. He’d gotten himself captured while travelling and thrown into a cage with the rest of his future comrades.

1-APR-618 – Through the combined efforts of the Douche helping out a wounded slaver, the Hick and Stiff setting fire to the cages, and the Broad and Beast clearing out the nearest adversaries…they were (shockingly) able to just waltz away from the rest of the group hidden in a cart while Septimus and his slavers were dealing with escaped quarry. They’re going to name a holiday after these idiots…I just know it.

2-APR-618 – While heading to Aquleia they were attacked by a pair of dire wolves. Nothing else exciting happened.

3-APR-618 – Continuing toward Aquileia when we came across a Cleric of Hades and two ghouls. The Beast took two brutal strikes and was felled before he raised his weapon, and the Broad soon after. Although they triumphed, this confrontation showed they weren’t nearly as invincible as they think they are. I give it a week before I have to look for a new owner.

Session Loot – 75 ep (7 gp, 5 sp each)

Bob –

Brienne –

Dongus – chain shirt

Keo – black cloak, holy symbol of Hades

Quintus –

Tanet –

Community Property – mace, 2 oxen, wagon

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